"I miss you. I miss you so much. And not in a romantic, quiet pining kind of way. I miss you like a disgusting, shameful, and hideously gut-wrenching sickness. I think of you when I shower. I turn the water up until it sears my skin because you liked it lukewarm. When I see windows I think about how you sat in yours hoping I’d come back to you. And I think of how I wish I could have. I think of you when it’s hard to make it through the day. When my high starts to set in I blow out your asshat comments along with the smoke. I think of you when he touches me wrong. And I think of you later when I’m staring at the ceiling wondering if I’m living or just killing time. I think of you when I make bad decisions. I have this misconstrued impression that I’m a voodoo doll. When I stab myself I hope you feel it too. I think of you when I try not to think of you. I think of you when I drink. I think of you when I breathe. Do I have to stop breathing to stop thinking of you? How do you get someone out of your veins without bleeding?"
"Emotions are supposed to be raw, ugly, brutal…you don’t want someone to ‘sorta’ love you. You want that love to be a bursting flame, not a candle."
"1. I don’t like folding laundry or talking about my emotions. I’m likely to leave both scattered all over.
2. I’m not much for cooking but there will always be coffee.
3. I’ll wear anything of yours with sleeves. I love when they’re long enough to wrap around my hands.
4. Sometimes the world is too harsh, too big. It’s hard to leave the house on days like those.
5. When I was sick as a kid my mom would run a bath for me and wash my hair. It was always so soothing. Maybe you could do that every once in a while.
6. I find it difficult to finish most things. My room is home to countless journals of incomplete thoughts.
7. I won’t love you any less in December. I think my heart just wasn’t meant for the cold.
8. I never truly know why I’m crying so don’t bother to ask, simply be there.
9. There’s whiskey in the medicine cabinet.
10. If things get terribly bad, please don’t give up. Get me in the car and drive to the sea. The waves beneath my toes will wake me up and I’ll be yours again."
Things to know before promising you’ll stay. (via seabelle)